Blog Post #32: Season 4, Episode 7: The Myth of Having It All Figured Out

 

The Myth of Having It All Figured Out

I used to think there would be a point when I finally felt like I knew what I was doing.

Not with one particular thing.

With life.

Like eventually I would reach some magical age where everything clicked into place.

I'd know exactly what I wanted.

I'd make decisions without second-guessing them.

I'd understand money and relationships and careers and all of the other things adults apparently know.

I'd have a plan.

I'd follow the plan.

And I'd finally feel like...

Okay. I’ve got this.

Well.

I'm almost 40.

And I'm still waiting. 😂

But maybe that's because the thing I've been waiting for doesn't actually exist.

Blog Post #32: Season 4, Episode 6: What Podcasting Has Taught Me About People

 

What Podcasting Has Taught Me About People

I started podcasting because I loved stories.

I liked asking questions.

I liked learning about people.

I liked the idea that you could sit down with someone, turn on a microphone, and somehow end up somewhere completely different from where the conversation started.

What I didn't realize was how much all of those conversations would change me.

Because after enough hours spent listening to people talk about their lives, you start noticing things.

People are complicated.

They're surprising.

They're carrying things you can't see.

And sometimes the person you think you understand...

has an entire story you've never heard.

We Decide Who People Are Really Quickly

In Season 4, Episode 6, I talked about some of the things podcasting has taught me about people.

But there's something I've been thinking about since:

How quickly do we decide who someone is?

Sometimes it takes seconds.

We meet someone and immediately start filling in the blanks.

She's quiet, so she must be shy.

He's loud, so he must love attention.

She's successful, so she must have everything figured out.

He's difficult, so he must just be an asshole.

She's always joking, so obviously she's fine.

We take the tiny piece of someone we can see...

and build the rest of them ourselves.

Podcasting has made me realize just how often we're wrong.

Because I've had conversations with people who were absolutely nothing like I expected them to be.

And I've learned that the version of someone you meet first isn't necessarily the whole person.

Sometimes...

it's barely the introduction.

Everybody Has a Story Underneath the Story

There's something interesting that happens during a good conversation.

You ask a question.

They answer.

You keep talking.

And somewhere along the way...

the conversation changes.

The rehearsed answers disappear.

The walls come down a little.

And suddenly you're not talking about what someone does anymore.

You're talking about who they are.

That's usually where the interesting stuff lives.

I've heard stories about trauma, loss, service, mental health, relationships, mistakes, second chances, failure, resilience and everything in between.

And one thing has become very clear:

Everybody has something.

That doesn't mean everybody has the same struggle.

And it definitely doesn't mean we should compare pain.

It simply means the person standing in front of you has lived an entire life you weren't there for.

There are chapters you haven't read.

Listening Is Different Than Waiting to Talk

This one has probably been one of the biggest lessons for me.

There's a difference between hearing someone and actually listening to them.

And I'll fully admit...

I'm a fixer.

😂

Tell me a problem and my brain immediately starts going:

Okay. Here's what we need to do.

I'm mentally making a list before you've even finished explaining what happened.

But podcasting has taught me that sometimes the best thing you can do is...

nothing.

Don't fix it.

Don't compare it to something that happened to you.

Don't immediately offer advice.

Don't try to find the positive.

Just listen.

Because sometimes people aren't asking us to solve their problem.

They're asking us to understand that the problem exists.

That's very different.

You Don't Always Need the Perfect Question

When I first started interviewing people, I thought the questions were everything.

I wanted good questions.

Interesting questions.

Questions nobody else had asked.

And obviously, questions matter.

But I've learned that sometimes the most important thing you can say in a conversation is incredibly simple:

“Tell me more.”

That's it.

Or:

“What happened next?”

“How did that affect you?”

“Wait... go back. What did you mean by that?”

Those questions aren't impressive.

But they tell somebody:

I'm listening.

And sometimes that's what allows the real story to come out.

People Aren't Problems to Solve

I think we do this with good intentions.

Someone tells us they're struggling and immediately we want to make it better.

Find the lesson.

Offer the solution.

Point out the silver lining.

Tell them everything happens for a reason.

But I've learned to be much more careful with that.

Because I can decide what my experiences mean to me.

I can look back at something painful and say:

That redirected me.

That taught me something.

That changed my life.

But I don't get to decide what somebody else's pain was supposed to teach them.

Sometimes something terrible happened.

Sometimes they're still angry about it.

Sometimes they haven't found the lesson.

Maybe they never will.

And maybe our job isn't to find one for them.

Maybe our job is simply to say:

“I hear you.”

Knowing Someone Isn't the Same as Knowing Their Whole Story

This might be my favorite lesson.

Because it applies even to the people closest to us.

You can know somebody for years...

and still discover something about them that completely surprises you.

I've experienced that in interviews.

I've experienced it with friends.

I've even experienced it with Rico.

There are pieces of our story that I understood completely from my perspective.

Then I heard them from his.

Same relationship.

Same timeline.

Same people.

Different experience.

And I love that.

Because I don't ever want to reach a point where I think I've completely figured out another human being.

People aren't books you finish reading.

They're still writing.

So are you.

Pain Doesn't Always Look Sad

This is another thing I've learned through so many conversations.

We expect pain to look a certain way.

We expect someone who's hurting to look...

hurt.

But sometimes pain looks like humor.

Sometimes it looks like anger.

Sometimes it looks like working constantly.

Sometimes it looks like avoiding everyone.

Sometimes it looks like taking care of everybody else.

And sometimes?

It looks completely normal.

That's especially something I've seen through conversations involving first responders, veterans and families.

People can carry enormous things...

and then walk into the grocery store looking like everybody else.

It doesn't excuse bad behavior.

It doesn't mean you have to accept being treated poorly.

But it does make me wonder more often:

What don't I know?

That's a much different question than:

What's wrong with them?

Resilience Is Usually Pretty Boring

We love inspirational stories after they're finished.

Someone survived something awful.

They rebuilt.

They found purpose.

They started over.

Cue the inspirational music.

😂

But when you actually listen to people's stories...

resilience usually isn't one giant moment.

It's ordinary.

It's getting out of bed.

Making the appointment.

Going to work.

Taking care of your kids.

Calling someone.

Trying again.

Making it through Tuesday.

And then doing it again Wednesday.

There usually isn't one moment where someone announces:

“I am officially resilient now!”

They just keep going.

And eventually...

they look backward and realize they survived something they once weren't sure they could.

Maybe we need to give ourselves more credit for those ordinary days.

Some Strangers Don't Stay Strangers

Podcasting has brought people into my life who probably never would've crossed my path otherwise.

That's one of my favorite parts.

A message becomes a conversation.

A conversation becomes an interview.

An interview becomes another conversation.

And occasionally...

a stranger becomes a friend.

I've watched those connections spill into other parts of my life too.

Podcasting.

Radio.

The media network.

Friendships.

Projects.

Opportunities.

One person leads to another person.

One conversation leads somewhere completely unexpected.

And suddenly you look backward and realize an entire part of your life exists because somebody once sent a message.

That's about as beautifully unplanned as it gets.

Stories Have a Life After They're Told

Here's something else I don't think storytellers always realize.

Once you tell someone your story...

you don't get to see everywhere it goes.

Someone might hear your story about failure and finally try again.

Someone might hear you talk about grief and feel less alone.

Someone might hear your story about starting over and realize they aren't too old.

Someone might hear something you thought was just a tiny detail...

and that's the part they remember.

I've had guests say things that stuck with me long after we stopped recording.

Sometimes they probably don't even remember saying them.

That's the power of stories.

We don't always know which part another person needed.

Maybe We All Need to Listen Longer

I think that's the biggest thing podcasting has taught me.

Listen longer.

Before deciding who someone is...

listen longer.

Before assuming you know why they made a decision...

listen longer.

Before offering advice...

listen longer.

Before deciding you have nothing in common...

listen longer.

Listening doesn't mean agreeing.

It doesn't mean excusing behavior.

It doesn't mean every person deserves unlimited access to your life.

It simply means allowing another human being to be more complicated than the version you've created in your head.

And maybe we'd all understand each other a little better if we did more of that.

Ask One More Question

So here's something to try this week.

Pick someone you already know.

Your spouse.

Your parent.

Your friend.

Your coworker.

Your kid.

Someone you've known forever.

And the next time they tell you something...

ask one more question.

Instead of immediately responding, ask:

“What was that like?”

“Why did you feel that way?”

“What happened next?”

Or simply...

“Tell me more.”

Then actually listen.

Maybe nothing dramatic happens.

Or maybe someone you've known for twenty years tells you something you've never heard before.

Because everyone you meet has chapters you haven't read.

And sometimes the most meaningful thing you can give another person isn't advice...

it's your attention.

✨ Different stories. Same humanity.

Podcasting may have given me the microphone.

But the people on the other side of it taught me the part that matters most:

The real magic happens when we stop talking long enough to hear each other. 🤍

🌐 Website:
https://thebeautifullyunplannedpodcast.com

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https://thebeautifullyunplannedpodcast.blogspot.com

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Blog Post #31: Season 4, Episode 5: The Invisible Seasons

 

The Invisible Seasons

Some seasons of life come with obvious proof that something is happening.

There’s an announcement.

A milestone.

A new beginning.

A goal reached.

A before-and-after photo.

Something you can point to and say...

“See? I’m making progress.”

And then there are the other seasons.

The quiet ones.

The ones where you’re showing up, doing the work, trying to figure things out...

and absolutely nothing seems to be changing.

Those are the invisible seasons.

And I’m starting to believe they deserve a little more credit.

Blog Post #30: Season 4, Episode 4: The Best Decisions I Ever Made Started With Fear

 

The Best Decisions I Ever Made Started With Fear

There’s a strange assumption we make about good decisions.

We think they’re supposed to feel good when we make them.

Like when something is right, we’ll just know.

We’ll feel calm.

Confident.

Ready.

There will be some magical moment of clarity where all the questions disappear and we think…

Yep. This is definitely what I’m supposed to do.

Except some of the best decisions I’ve ever made felt nothing like that.

They felt scary.

Uncertain.

Uncomfortable.

And occasionally a little bit like…

“What the hell am I doing?” 😂

Season 4, Episode 4 is about those decisions.

But there’s something I want to add to that conversation.

Blog Post #29: Season 4, Episode 3: Why Failure Usually Isn’t the End

 

Why Failure Usually Isn’t the End

Failure has a way of feeling incredibly permanent when you’re standing in the middle of it.

Something doesn’t work.

You try again.

It still doesn’t work.

Eventually, you stop thinking…

“That didn’t work.”

And start thinking…

“Maybe I just can’t do this.”

But when I look back at some of the things I once considered failures, I see them very differently now.

Some taught me something.

Some forced me to change direction.

Some showed me what absolutely did not work for me.

And some eventually led me somewhere I never would’ve gone if the original plan had worked.

Blog Post #28: Season 4, Episode 2: The People Who Changed My Life Without Knowing It

The People Who Changed My Life Without Knowing It

There are people who come into your life with absolutely no idea that they’re about to change it.

No big announcement.

No dramatic moment.

Sometimes they don’t even stay very long.

They say something.

They show up.

They believe in you.

They make a choice that seems completely ordinary to them…

and years later, you’re still carrying it with you.

---

The Impact We Don’t Always See

In Season 4, Episode 2, I talked about the people who have influenced my life without necessarily knowing how much they did.

And I think that happens more often than we realize.

We tend to think the people who change our lives have to be the obvious ones—the mentors, lifelong friends, family members, or people who were there for the biggest moments.

But sometimes?

It’s one conversation.

One person who encouraged you when you were questioning yourself.

Someone who gave you an opportunity.

Someone who treated you differently than you were used to being treated.

Or even someone whose presence in your life taught you something you didn’t understand until much later.

---

Not Everyone Is Meant to Stay

This might be one of the harder things to accept.

Someone can matter deeply…

and still not be part of your life forever.

We sometimes measure the importance of a relationship by how long it lasted.

But longevity and impact aren’t the same thing.

There are people you can know for decades who barely change the direction of your life.

And there are people who can cross your path for one season and leave fingerprints on your story forever.

Their chapter ended.

Their influence didn’t.

---

Sometimes It’s Just One Sentence

Have you ever remembered something someone said to you years ago…

and wondered if they even remember saying it?

They probably don’t. 😂

But you do.

Because it landed at exactly the right time.

Maybe someone told you that you were capable when you didn't feel capable.

Maybe they challenged you.

Maybe they saw something in you that you hadn't figured out how to see yet.

That's the strange thing about influence.

We rarely know which of our words someone else is going to carry home with them.

---

You’ve Probably Been That Person Too

This is the part I keep thinking about.

If other people have unknowingly changed our lives…

how many lives have we changed without knowing it?

Maybe you encouraged someone years ago and completely forgot about it.

Maybe you made someone feel included on a day they desperately needed it.

Maybe you recommended something that sent their life in an entirely new direction.

Maybe you simply listened.

You may never get to hear the other side of that story.

And that's kind of beautiful.

---

The People Behind the Person You Became

None of us became who we are completely on our own.

We're collections of conversations, experiences, relationships, lessons, heartbreaks, encouragement, chance meetings, and perfectly timed moments.

Some people teach us who we want to become.

Others teach us who we don't want to become.

Both can change us.

And sometimes it takes years before we can look backward and connect those dots.

---

Who Changed Your Life?

Think about someone who probably has no idea how much they influenced you.

What did they say?

What did they do?

Where did that moment eventually lead?

And here's another question:

Do you still have the opportunity to tell them?

Because if you do…

maybe this is your sign. 🤍

Send the text.

Make the call.

Tell them the story they may not even realize they're part of.

---

✨ Some people are only in our story for a few pages.

But somehow…

they change everything that gets written afterward.

---

🌐 Website:
The Beautifully Unplanned Podcast

📝 More blog posts:
The Beautifully Unplanned Blog

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Blog post #27: Season 4, Episode 1: The Life I Thought I'd Have

 

Sometimes the Life You Planned Isn't the Life You're Meant to Live

When I was younger, I was convinced I had life all figured out.

I had a picture in my head of what adulthood was supposed to look like.

The career.
The timeline.
The milestones.
The plan.

I think most of us do.

We imagine where we'll live, who we'll become, what success will look like, and how everything will unfold. We don't realize until much later that life has a way of rewriting the script—often in ways we never could have imagined.

For a long time, I struggled with that.

Every time life took an unexpected turn, I found myself wondering if I had somehow fallen behind.

If I was doing something wrong.

If I had missed my chance.

But over the years, something shifted.

As I looked back on my own journey, I realized that almost every meaningful thing in my life came from a plan I never made.

I never planned to become a podcaster.

I never planned to help build a radio station.

I never planned to co-found a media network.

I never planned to spend my days interviewing incredible people, creating content, and telling stories that remind others they aren't alone.

And yet...

I honestly can't imagine my life any other way.

In this season premiere, I wanted to have a conversation that I think so many of us need to hear.

Not about having the perfect plan...

But about learning to trust the unexpected.

Because somewhere along the way, we've convinced ourselves that if our lives don't follow the timeline we imagined, we've somehow failed.

What if that's simply not true?

What if the detours are actually part of the destination?

What if the opportunities that change our lives don't arrive wrapped in certainty—but in curiosity?

And what if the life you're living right now isn't evidence that you're behind...

What if it's evidence that you're becoming?

One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that life isn't built in the big moments.

It's built on ordinary Tuesdays.

On conversations you almost didn't have.

On opportunities you almost ignored.

On tiny decisions that don't seem important until years later, when you finally look back and realize they changed everything.

That's the beautiful thing about this journey.

We don't get to connect the dots while we're living them.

We connect them later.

And maybe that's exactly how it's supposed to be.

If you've been feeling like you're behind...

If you've been comparing your life to a version you imagined years ago...

Or if you've been wondering whether it's too late to start over...

I hope this episode reminds you of one simple truth:

Your life isn't behind.

It's unfolding.

Thank you for joining me as we begin this brand-new season of The Beautifully Unplanned Podcast.

I have a feeling we're going to have some incredible conversations together this season, and I couldn't be more grateful that you're here for the journey.

Here's to embracing the unexpected, finding beauty in the ordinary, and discovering that sometimes the life we never planned becomes the one we wouldn't trade for anything.

🎧 Listen to Season 4, Episode 1: The Life I Thought I'd Have now.

🌐 Website: https://thebeautifullyunplannedpodcast.com

📝 Blog: https://thebeautifullyunplannedpodcast.blogspot.com